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Author Topic: The Evil voice  (Read 4918 times)

Indigo Warrior

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The Evil voice
« on: September 25, 2015, 07:28:24 pm »
One month, three days & four hours - not that I am counting but apparently I have refused 513 death sticks and saved over £171 pounds (not sure the bank manager would agree with that!)

The act of smoking - not missed - especially when it is raining and I smile to myself as I watch colleagues potter off to the designated area.

Whilst the waist line has increased (worry about that later) the fidgeting and  breathing capacity has definitely increased. Poor dog has shrunk as I am wearing her legs down with all the extra walks as I suddenly need fresh air or just to escape the house.

Secondary smoke - mmm- still trying to convince myself that I don't want it but somewhere a grey cell is being mutinous and is trying to motivate the olfactory nerve to sniff harder - fortunately NOPE is programmed and applied!

Food tastes better - still waiting for that. If anything I will concede taste buds have changed but only to appreciate what crap I have been ingesting. However, refer to the second paragraph above. Hopefully, this will change.

My main issue is the evil voice/thought that descends out of no where and decides, "This would be a good break for a fag."

I want to hit it, I pull a face as I rationalize, "NOPE, I will no longer be a loser. I will not give in!"

Week three/four were particularly challenging but having hit the month, I am just as determined to keep going.  The poor dog might not agree but at least the vet won't try and put her on a diet unlike the cat.  Have you ever tried to put a cat on a diet?
Nicotine free since 22nd August, 2015
 
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steelfixer

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2015, 07:39:31 pm »
Well done you :)

Always keep NOPE activated, I de-activated once and caved >:(
Last quit 15/06/15.
 
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TG

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2015, 08:05:34 pm »
Brilliant Warrior, the first month is intense to say the least, now it the roller coaster stage, you get what you think is a good day and then bam out I nowhere it hits you!

You keep say NOPE and you will win this battle, you have quit smoking now you are a non-smoker in training and like when you started smoking it will take awhile to get comfortable in it.


Chicago commercial photographersChicago commercial photographers
Quit Date: 04-04-2014

You don’t need cigarettes to be complete. All the happiness, comfort and peace you seek, is already inside you.
 
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Indigo Warrior

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2015, 08:19:48 pm »
Thanks steelfixer and TG.  I am reading lots of the old posts for inspiration but I know that really this is probably the last time I will serious try to remove the cancer stick from my life.

There is also the veiled promise that upon hitting 100, I might have one celebratory one but that one is under advisement at that time.

I think rollercoaster is very apt. You think you have cracked it when a scenario suddenly makes the voice whisper (or occasionally shout) in your ear and it is tempting you to try or give in. Dory works too, "Just keep quitting, just keep quitting."

After 35 years, I never thought I would just give up (cold turkey) having been merely mulling it over.  If I can do it, so can others.  Use StopOctober as your inspiration.
Nicotine free since 22nd August, 2015
 

tea

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2015, 08:21:04 pm »
LOL, no I've not put a cat on a diet, but my aunt put her cat Topper on a diet once having been given diet food by the vet. She misunderstood and fed him his usual food plus the diet food and he still went up and down the street for tidbits.

Keep on beating that dead plant at his own game.
12.9.2014  (I forget sometimes)
 
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Skiddaw

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2015, 01:02:04 pm »
@Indigo Warrior , that's FANTASTIC!!!   :foundbeer: :foundbeer: :foundbeer: :foundbeer: :foundbeer:

Honestly, if my experience is anything to go by, once you're through the first month it's never quite so difficult again. I can already see a Penthouse Suite with your name upon it and there will be one great big fat chocolate cake to welcome you.  :)

How are you going to celebrate your Month Anniversary?

Finally saw sense on 8/12/13

So many mountains, so little time...
 
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Indigo Warrior

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2015, 05:53:57 pm »
What I allegedly saved ended up paying towards daughter's car service. :o
Nicotine free since 22nd August, 2015
 

Enough42

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #7 on: November 27, 2017, 06:55:19 pm »
@Indigo Warrior thank you for this post (an oldie but a goodie. it really resonated with me today).  I have really been fighting with the Evil Voice for the last week. I will have officially completed 28 days smoke free on Wednesday at 9am. I've also save £290.51 and not smoked 528.2 cigarettes. 

The last 2 nights I have basically almost convinced myself that I will abandon my quit tomorrow.....but I always sleep on it, then by morning there are children (and puppy) to toilet and feed and I somehow manage to make it through the day.  My husband calls me to see how I am and I bite his head off for even caring (he may not call tmrw for which I definitely won't blame him) and I teeter through the late afternoon and evening trying to not to throw hands in the air, scream at the top of my lungs and storm down to the corner shop to buy a pack.  But the thing is that I don't think I could actually do it.  I can just see the disappointment in my husband's face. And I just know that actually one cigarette (or more) is not going to fix anything. I feel like there is just no going back.  I just need to keep climbing. Forward is the only way.  Or by your great mantra "just keep quitting". Whether there is a place that I will arrive at that will turn me back into the chilled and fun person that I "was" remains to be seen but I feel like that's all I can now hope for.

I'm just still waiting for it to get easier and for the Evil Voice to tone it down a bit. I've nearly done a month and I can't throw that away can I?
Kicked It on Wednesday, 1 November 2017 at 9am
 
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Skiddaw

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2017, 07:19:19 pm »
@Enough42 - what a brilliant post! You've just about summed up how it feels when you're toiling up that steep, rocky slope. You're clearly a courageous and determined woman and I know- absolutely- that you won't fall down the mountainside now. It won't be long before the slope eases and you round a corner to be greeted by the most spectacular view.  :hug: :hug: :hug:

And I'm sure Mr @Enough42 won't stop ringing you even if you do bite his head off. He'll be as proud as punch of you I'll be bound.  :foundbeer: :foundbeer: :foundbeer:
Finally saw sense on 8/12/13

So many mountains, so little time...
 
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tea

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #9 on: November 27, 2017, 07:19:44 pm »
@Enough42 .....it does get better and I think he might call tomorrow because he sounds like he might be that sort of lobster that loves you and wants the best for you. xxx (and I love you too xxxx)
12.9.2014  (I forget sometimes)
 
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Indigo Warrior

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #10 on: November 27, 2017, 09:57:42 pm »
@Enough42 well done on the quit to date, you are amazing and the evil voice does retreat a lot. I'm now at twenty seven months and it is only occasionally it will raise its head and try.

NOPE is still an excellent mantra but my favourite is "Just keep going; just keep going" as I am quit now and want to stay that way.

I can see you steaming onto the penthouse and in under eleven months we will be celebrating with a party for you.   006
Nicotine free since 22nd August, 2015
 
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bubbielau

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #11 on: November 28, 2017, 11:37:35 am »
On a previous quit I recall ringing my husband a month or so in screaming "I want to smoke" down the phone.  I didn't, but I had this overwhelming need to punch myself in the head, which only a cigerette could fix. 
I had got myself in this state because a bus had driven past me at the bus stop.  The bus was full but I had been waiting for 5 mins already and took the fact that the bus had driven past as a sign that the bus driver hated me....  I really really wanted to smash my face against a wall, i was so upset and angry (at myself not the bus driver) and a ciggerette would have made it ok.  I think I was even aware how irrational i was being, but my husband bore the brunt of it as i had to call him at work to scream at him down the phone.
In the end I stomped the mile or so home cursing and by the time i got there i felt better.

Similar situations happened over the few months I was quit that time and I recall that urge to smash myself in the face many times.  I always believed it was a symptom of quitting, I fought through them, and although I started smoking again it wasn't in one of those moments. 

The interesting thing is that when i started smoking again I still had these moments.  I still had moments when I was filled with rage, and I still felt like pucnhing myself in the face, I always had had them, but I did always use them as a reason to light up/
A lot of refelection lead me to conclude that smoking did make me feel better, but not for the smoking itself:
- Smoking is an excuse to leave the situation - screw this I'm going for a fag!
- Smoking often takes you outside to get some fresh air
- Smoking often gives you time alone to reflect
- Smoking regulates your breathing - you can't smoke and hyperventalate a the same time (at least not for long)

One of the reasons I love smoking is that it makes it socially acceptable to stand in a corner on your own thinking your own thoughts.  I'm an introvert by nature, and when I get too overwhelmed I need to retreat into my own space.

I think thats what I miss most, so this quit I decided I'm still gonna do it and screw what people think.  If it all gets too much I'll just strop off, get some air, time to think, and focus on my breathing until i feel better.  It's not a cigerette I need, just some space!  So far it's working well.  My husband even said "you've been pretty good this time" when i said I wasn't as moody this quit, so I must be doing something right!

@Enough42  If your husband is anything like mine, then he is probably prepared to let you have your moody moment just to see you succeed on your quit.  He knows its not you and just your cravings..... 
Without suggesting you are anywhere near as emotionally ustable as me, maybe you need to think about what else a cigerrette gave you.  Was it your five mins of "me time" in the caos of family life?   If so how else could you ensure you get that now you've quit?
Just keep going, you're doing really well"
« Last Edit: November 28, 2017, 11:40:34 am by bubbielau »
 
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Titch

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #12 on: November 28, 2017, 12:18:44 pm »
Just had to pop on to say what an absolutely brilliant heartfelt post @bubbielau

After far too many years I stubbed out my final cigarette on February 6 2011 at 10 pm and havent looked back since.
 

Glasgowgal

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #13 on: November 28, 2017, 12:24:31 pm »
Great post Bubbielau and glad you've found what works for you  ;)
Quit Date 6/11/17
 

tea

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Re: The Evil voice
« Reply #14 on: November 28, 2017, 12:33:49 pm »
@bubbielau .....how did the story end after the stomping? Was there kissing and making up?
12.9.2014  (I forget sometimes)