@Max414 cheers for the message and actually now you've said it I'm wondering if smoking roll ups could be part of the problem. When I smoked full time, it was manufactured cigarettes, and only when I cut down to every couple of weeks did I switch to rolled ones (also with menthol filters). I think there's some psychological trickery going on... I have a few handmade cigarettes on a weekend that taste fresh so I'm not really smoking! Can I ask - did you always smoke roll ups or did you move to them from others or always smoke them?
@Gerti1 thanks for the welcome, I used gum and e-cigs MORE than cigarettes, to be honest. I got loads of chest pains and worrying feelings when using the e-cig - I would literally go at it constantly. I found all replacements to be annoyingly unsatisfying - worse than just doing without. Maybe I could try having some lozenges or gum though just for those weekend cravings...
@Nicky40 your message is really helping me tonight, to be honest - I've got quite a bit of anxious thinking going on and I'm starting to accept that maybe it is my mind trying to get me to smoke, rather than a 'real' worry. Usually, I get through these by thinking, well it's ok, I'll smoke at the weekend! This next few weekends though I'm determined not to let it break me.
@Titch you're absolutely right, I fooled myself for ages saying social smoking was fine. I know now that it's not and I'm still addicted. Will check out the article as willpower is definitely my downfall, thanks.
@Skiddaw yes that makes total sense! I am in permanent battle (in my head)... it's exhausting to be honest I can only laugh about it! Basically, I know my body can't take being a full time smoker (feel rotten), but my mind struggles without cigarettes, so when my body feels good again after a couple of weeks, I genuinely say to myself, "great, you feel fine now, let yourself have a smoke!". Liking the idea of taking it one day/week at a time...
@LAST CHANCE SALOON I wish I could do that but since my other half doesn't want to give up we'll always have tobacco around the house... we've tried hiding it before but I end up getting angry! Will see what alternatives there might be - that or I'll move out

One general question,
@Skiddaw your comment was so on point and I really do have this constant battle in my head.
Has anyone else, either after cutting down or when trying to quit, felt great after a couple of weeks and therefore thought, "I'm healed! I'm going to celebrate with a cigarette!" ? I recognise that about myself but I don't know how to change the pattern...