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Author Topic: One liners  (Read 11693 times)

Phil Coulson

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Re: One liners
« Reply #90 on: August 13, 2018, 12:18:24 am »
I just bought an alcoholic ginger beer, he wasn't impressed.
 
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Phil Coulson

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Re: One liners
« Reply #91 on: August 20, 2018, 01:32:33 pm »
The doctor just told me that the best thing I can do is stop drinking and eat more healthily, so I asked him what's the 2nd best thing I could do?
 
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Phil Coulson

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Re: One liners
« Reply #92 on: August 24, 2018, 11:19:57 am »
"may be recorded for quality and training purposes"  is something my wife really ought to remind me whenever she starts a conversation with me.
 

Phil Coulson

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Re: One liners
« Reply #93 on: August 25, 2018, 10:03:17 am »
You know you have a road rage problem when you're approaching the check out at the super market, with your child sat in the shopping trolly, and they yell at someone who just moved to anther till "Hey! Pick a lane and stick to it, dick head!"
« Last Edit: August 25, 2018, 10:15:20 am by Phil Coulson »
 
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Phil Coulson

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Re: One liners
« Reply #94 on: September 18, 2018, 05:26:34 am »
When you break up with someone it can be difficult but my Ex just sent me a reassuring text at 3am saying "You'll never find anyone like me ever again"
 
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tea

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Re: One liners
« Reply #95 on: October 04, 2018, 09:20:57 am »


12.9.2014  (I forget sometimes)
 
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Phil Coulson

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Re: One liners
« Reply #96 on: October 08, 2018, 09:17:25 am »
Woke up to a tap on my door.....my plumber has a weird sense of humour.
 
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Phil Coulson

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Re: One liners
« Reply #97 on: October 10, 2018, 11:02:01 am »
I sent a flirty text to my wife asking if she had any fantasies about things she could do with my body, she replied "Identify it"  :o
 
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tea

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Re: One liners
« Reply #98 on: October 16, 2018, 08:45:49 pm »
One of these popped up on Twitter and I laughed so hard I had to mop up.




@KitKat there is a calendar.
12.9.2014  (I forget sometimes)
 
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Phil Coulson

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Re: One liners
« Reply #99 on: October 17, 2018, 12:42:00 am »
I'm never wrong, there was one time I thought I was but turns out I wasn't.
 
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tea

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Re: One liners
« Reply #100 on: October 30, 2018, 07:28:22 pm »
@Phil Coulson

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion

They say he'll be given a tough sentence.
12.9.2014  (I forget sometimes)
 
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tea

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Re: One liners
« Reply #101 on: November 27, 2018, 06:37:45 pm »
I was so sad to hear that the gentleman who invented autocorrect passed away today. He left a whiff, two sins and a doughnut.
12.9.2014  (I forget sometimes)
 
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Skiddaw

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Re: One liners
« Reply #102 on: November 28, 2018, 09:30:51 am »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

 Nice one @tea !!
Finally saw sense on 8/12/13

So many mountains, so little time...
 
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