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Author Topic: Other Peoples Reactions  (Read 1413 times)

bubbielau

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Other Peoples Reactions
« on: November 13, 2017, 09:45:21 am »
I went to see my parents this weekend.  I made the mistake of telling my mum I quit a couple of weeks ago when i was a little drunk so this weekend she decided to ***** off smoking at every opportunity.  Not helpful for several reasons, least of which is that it provided a constant reminder of smoking I could have done without, and a reminder of one of the definate benefits of smoking - 5 minutes away from my family when they are winding me up!!!
She never liked me smoking, but has never actually said anything about it.  I hid the fact I smoked until I was 27, and the day after she caught me she said "I already guessed, I don't approve but it's your life"  She's never said another word, I never smoked in her house (I never smoked in my own either), but she accepted it as part of who i was and even set me up a "smoking bucket" in her garden.  She never nagged, slagged it off... it was all cool until this weekend!

I have only told a couple of people that i quit.  I told my husband about 12 hours in, a couple of friends I went away with the first weekend after I quit, and a friend from work about 2 weeks in.  On friday night someone I used to go for a fag with a work asked if i'd quit, I sit opposite her every day, so it's clearly not obvious.

I've read so many things that say you should tell everyone and get their support, but I really can't think of anything worse than having people supposedly egging you on all the time.  I guess there's part of me that doesn't want to seem like a failure.  To admit that I quit feels like a failed whatever happens:
- If i fail at quitting then they know i tried and will judge me for failing
- If i succed then either I was lying about enjoying it and am a looser for not stopping earlier, or I've failed as a smoker because i gave up something i enjoyed.
I know that smoking is bad for me, expensive, increasingly anti-social....  I know there are lots of reasons I should quit, and I actually don't want to smoke right now, that's not what I'm getting at, I'm also not trying to hide my quit from anyone, if they ask i tell them, I'm just not broadcasting it.  It's the other reason why i would never tell the doctor that i quit (infact i may lie to them if i see one too soon!)

I guess i just think that my quitting is not anyone elses business and should be private?  I think thats why i benefit more from the annonimity of this forum, you guys don't actually know me, so any judgements you may have don't actually matter in the real world. This is a journey, I can't switch of my feelings for smoking overnight, I have chosen not to smoke for the last 40 days, and I plan to try to get to 90 days.  1 month was my first challenge to myself, 3 months is next, then I'll decide what comes next.  Until i decide my more permenant state then I don't feel comfortable broadcasting that, especially to judgy people like my mum.  I hid the fact I smoked from her for over 10 years, hiding the fact i quit for 10 years seems like it would have been a good idea!

Sorry - rant over!

 

KitKat

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Re: Other Peoples Reactions
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2017, 10:40:53 am »
You rant away @bubbielau it's good therapy.

Just for the record, I never told anyone I had quit apart from Mrs KK, I didn't even tell the good folks on this forum for 3 months, I just wanted to do it my way and in my time, without people constantly asking me how I was doing.

Some peoples reaction can be very weird, but at the end of the day you only have you to answer to and that's just how it should be.

Well done, the Penthouse is almost in sight.


KK ;)

 
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Lostie

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Re: Other Peoples Reactions
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2017, 10:52:03 am »
Kitkat ....you did tell a couple of people from here ;)

@bubbielau When I quit I didn't tell anyone for a couple of weeks, then a few more at a month. I live by myself so there was no-one to know anyway.  I remember when I told my brother that the Doctor said I had to quit smoking his reply was ' well that's not going to happen so what are you going to do?"  I had a lot of pleasure in telling him I had already quit.  Also a cousin said I could never quit and again I told him I had already.  I must say that I did get a lot of encouragement and support from people I knew (I don't know a lot though) I had a quit smoking guy who would ring me and even he didn't believe me when I told him I haven't smoked for 4 days since you rang me last.  He was so excited and yelled 'you haven't'   I had !!!

You do it your way @bubbielau and don't worry about anyone else. Also don't worry about coming on here and ranting and you will find we're not really judgemental as we've all been were you are on your journey :)
 

Sally

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Re: Other Peoples Reactions
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2017, 12:23:05 pm »
Rant away @bubbielau, that's what we're here for.

I read in the stop smoking leaflets, tell everybody you're quitting, throw all your cigarettes away, etc etc.  Well I walked round for about a month with a pack of cigarettes in my coat pocket and the only person I told was my best friend (he'd quit about 10 months before me).  I couldn't think of anything worse than telling everybody I'd quit and then having to tell them I'd failed (I didn't have much confidence I'd be able to do it).  I never really told anybody, a few people noticed after about four weeks in and if anybody asked I told them.  Telling people would have just put extra pressure on me when I was struggling enough to quit.

The forum saved me, everybody understood because they'd been through it and like you it was easier at the time to get help from people I didn't know. 

Sorry to hear your Mum gave you a difficult time, she probably thought she was helping!

Quit in whatever way works for you.  Keep going, you're doing brilliantly.
Quit date - 1st October 2014, Quit method - lozenges

 

Skiddaw

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Re: Other Peoples Reactions
« Reply #4 on: November 13, 2017, 12:45:30 pm »
Oh @bubbielau ...  :hug: :hug: :hug:

Yes, I bet your mum thought she was being helpful but it came out all wrong (and let's face it, no one can get under our skin the way close family can). As the others have said, you do it your way. There's no road map for quitting. We're all heading for the same destination but the route we take is absolutely up to us.

Rant as much as you like.  009
Finally saw sense on 8/12/13

So many mountains, so little time...
 

Kat73

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Re: Other Peoples Reactions
« Reply #5 on: November 13, 2017, 12:59:23 pm »
Bless you @bubbielau, it's not easy is it?  Weighing up the possible support advantages against the possible annoying enquiries "have you started again yet?".

Although people around me did know I knew that the only people who would really understand what I was going through were other people going through the same thing and that's why these lovely folk came to mean so much to me.  Think of us here as your release valve; you can come and rant when you need to, have a proper good complain and a sob and ask for encouragement - we're happy to provide any and/or all of these!

You're doing really, really, REALLY well so don't let yourself be discouraged and remember, we're always here for you, whatever you need  :hug:
Smoker for 20+ years with a 3 year quit in the middle
Used Champix 16/01/13 to 12/02/13
Last cigarette 8pm 28/01/13
 

tea

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Re: Other Peoples Reactions
« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2017, 08:31:05 pm »
I did tell the lady in the corner shop because she had started to worry that she wasn't seeing me and also because I didn't want her buying in the Windsor Blue Menthols if she wasn't going to sell them and I did find that quite fun. I didn't tell my other half for a few weeks; he hadn't noticed, but then he didn't notice that we painted the bathroom blue one weekend (in fact he has still not noticed 2 years later as far as we know) or the time that I dyed my hair a red wine colour and it took him at least 2 months and then noticed at an inappropriate time.

My daughter knew, but I didn't tell many other people apart from these guys. Until I went to the doctor with tonsillitis (again) after a few months and the doctor was actually really pleased. I think that the dentist was a fun person to tell, he stopped talking about smoking and started talking about the dangers of ketchup and gave me a leaflet about how bad ketchup is for your teeth.

I quit ketchup a long time ago. It was much easier than quitting smoking.
12.9.2014  (I forget sometimes)
 
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Skiddaw

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Re: Other Peoples Reactions
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2017, 10:47:26 am »
 ;D ;D ;D Nice one @tea !!

I shouldn't laugh, but your post does remind me of one of my best friend's experience. She left her husband after 30+ years of marriage recently and despite her removing most of her possessions as well as a load of kitchen stuff, pictures and some furniture over the course of several weeks, he was oblivious to it all and only cottoned on when she texted him after the last load was shifted to explain she had moved out. Which tells you all you need to know about why she decided the marriage was over.
Finally saw sense on 8/12/13

So many mountains, so little time...
 
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tea

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Re: Other Peoples Reactions
« Reply #8 on: November 15, 2017, 12:24:39 pm »
 ;D :'( ;D
12.9.2014  (I forget sometimes)
 

bubbielau

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Re: Other Peoples Reactions
« Reply #9 on: November 15, 2017, 01:05:30 pm »
What did ketchup ever do?  ???  :o ???  :'( .... I don't think i could quit Ketchup!
 

tea

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Re: Other Peoples Reactions
« Reply #10 on: November 15, 2017, 04:09:59 pm »
The dentist seems to think it is smoking's evil sidekick @bubbielau!! I think it is because it's a mix of acid and sugar if I remember the leaflet correctly. I did not keep the leaflet!!
12.9.2014  (I forget sometimes)
 

Glasgowgal

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Re: Other Peoples Reactions
« Reply #11 on: December 20, 2017, 08:08:33 pm »
Talking of dentists @tea i remember my check up once before last i had this real hotty stand in temp dentist guy. And hes checking away and he says well you will have been told already but you have gum disease. I was like what, ive never been told that. Once we were done i asked what do i need to do, do i need medicine or something. And he said to me if you dont stop smoking all your teeth will fall out within ten years!!!! I burst out laughing as id never even been told i had gum disease i said whats this scaremongering are you having a laugh. And we got a bit of banter but he stuck to his word and said gum disease will never get better. And just gets worse if keep smoking. And your teeth will fall out!

Now ive been back to dentist since and been to hygenist for scale polish and yet again no one mentioned gum disease. But i sure am glad i have stopped smoking so hopefully i keep my teeth hahaha
Quit Date 6/11/17
 

Skiddaw

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Re: Other Peoples Reactions
« Reply #12 on: December 21, 2017, 11:58:41 am »
Nice one @Glasgowgal  :)
Finally saw sense on 8/12/13

So many mountains, so little time...