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Author Topic: It doesn't help  (Read 3346 times)

Eeyore_mad

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It doesn't help
« on: January 24, 2016, 08:11:29 am »
Well here I am again back to square one :-( yesterday I just broke I couldn't cope anymore with my head I was/am so down and fed up kids we're being particularly loud and argumentative work was wanting me online to help and I lost my temper screamed at the kids flung the bedding airing a bit and gave up....went and brought some and smoked :-( :-( :-( and I can honestly say it didn't really help I felt no better in fact I felt worse, I felt even more of a failure I didn't want to post as I knew one was starting day one and didn't want to scare her lol. The only way it felt better was it was one less thing to worry about accomplishing if that even makes sense.

In all though I know it's my head ...:the cravings are manageable but I can't make myself believe I can do it I don't need my friend it's not a crutch it's a hindrance, I need to re wire my brain and make myself really really belief it.  I know I don't want to anymore I just don't believe I can cope without it.  Like giving up that friend that gets you constantly in trouble and is evil yet even though younknownrhat you still miss and feel lonely.

Anyhow today I'm working on reading reading and more reading mainly articles etc I've read Allen Carr and I agree with what he says it makes sense until I get worked.

So basically I feel I can do this but I need more belief I need more knowledge I can fight with if that makes sense I haven't given up giving up ...I'm just retreating to re-arm for 24 hours.

Anyhow just wanted to catch up and say sorry for letting you down too your support is fantastic and I feel also I just threw it back at you yesterday by smoking

As for the newbie if your reading this please don't let it put you off in any way it really is the head games that are the worse and my head always has been my enemy, and are mainly my own doing xx
 

Kat73

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Re: It doesn't help
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2016, 08:22:01 am »
I'm so sorry to see you so beaten down hon, it's one of the most awful things about this addiction - it wins by making us feel weak, useless, powerless and unable to change.

The real plus point here is that you know that what you need is to begin to believe that it's possible to re-wire your brain and that's a great step forward, knowing what it is that's defeating you.  You've come up with the solution too - read, read, read everything you can find that breaks down what it is that keeps us under the smelly yellow thumb.

I know you said you've got Allen Carr, I'd suggest re-reading it in small chunks and do it more than once.  It took me a few runs through before it really started to take root in my head so maybe it'll work that way for you too.  There are lots of other books available, all of which offer some form of CBT so maybe consider getting one or two of the others?  I know people who had success with Neil Casey's book and Kristina Ivings' book and sometimes it's simply a case of whose approach resonates with you the most.

Give yourself a break hon and perhaps it would be better to not go rushing into another quit while you're feeling so defeated, multiple failures will surely just demoralise you and make you more likely to fail.  Maybe the way forward is to take some time to address what's tripping you up, find some solutions and arm yourself with some more weapons?  Whatever way you decide to move forward, you know we'll be right behind you  :hug:
Smoker for 20+ years with a 3 year quit in the middle
Used Champix 16/01/13 to 12/02/13
Last cigarette 8pm 28/01/13
 

Eeyore_mad

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Re: It doesn't help
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2016, 08:36:08 am »
Thank you and yes thought it was uncanny I wrote in here and then see your post it was like you was talking to me :-) I know what you mean in a sense about waiting but tbh I feel i have to jump in again soon or it may be months again plus as much as I feel upset by giving in I feel angry more and hopefully the anger will help in still taking champix which is more why I realise the head is to blame because it really didn't help the knot is still there I never got the ahhh I expected and haven't since and yet I still had another even though it was doing nothing and making me feel worse (yes I really am that silly ) so you see I know half the battle is won I always blamed the cravings and thought nicotine was to blame and now I realise it's also my mind my own self doing it or surely I would have felt better yesterday, so I need to now curve myself as I've curved the need for the nicotine with  champix I need to get my head half way too which is why I thought articles more than books their quicker and often sharper to the point if any of the above makes sense lol
 
 

Kat73

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Re: It doesn't help
« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2016, 08:55:46 am »
Yep, that makes sense.  I think it's so dependent on what speaks to us personally and we're all different.  I definitely spent the first month alternately clinging to the forum like ivy, running myself into the ground so I had no time to think and hiding in places where I would never have smoked (ie the bath or under the duvet!).

I had a go to video I used to watch for when I was inches from giving in and it helped keep me on the straight and narrow which was Thanks Tobacco.  It's pretty hard hitting and wouldn't work for everyone but when I was winding myself it would bring me back down and remind me of where I didn't want to end up.  I hope you find something that has a similar impact on you, it really helps to have something like it up your sleeve.

The other thing to do is to start applying the three post rule.  How this works is that you post a "I'm close to caving, please help" kind of post and then wait, promising to wait until you have three replies before doing anything.  By the time you've written your post (there's a cathartic gain to be had just by doing that) and got your three replies there's every chance that the crave that had you on the edge, ready to fall, has dissipated enough for you to be able to breathe deeply and carry on.

Chin up petal, you WILL find a way.
Smoker for 20+ years with a 3 year quit in the middle
Used Champix 16/01/13 to 12/02/13
Last cigarette 8pm 28/01/13
 
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Sally

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Re: It doesn't help
« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2016, 10:00:29 am »
Sorry to hear this @Eeyore_mad.  You are so right in that your head needs to be in the right place.  Even with all the NRT in the world, you still need the willpower too.  Try and focus on all the positives of not smoking, write your own list. It wasn't until it clicked that I was not missing out and that not smoking was just so much better that I settled into my quit.  As Kat says you will find a way.  You know where you want to be, you just need to work out the way for you to get there. And if you need help, please, please post.

Quit date - 1st October 2014, Quit method - lozenges

 
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Skiddaw

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Re: It doesn't help
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2016, 10:55:58 am »
Morning @Eeyore_mad  :hug: :hug: :hug:

I think you're quite right to get back into the saddle sooner rather than later.  Put it down to experience, call it the final practise run and next time you have one of those 'Sod it' moments post here (the 'Help!' room is always open) and wait for at least three replies. I know it's been said a million times before but that's because it really is true that by the time you've posted and had a response the moment will have passed.

Regroup today and I shall be sending plenty of positive vibes your way for your final Day One.  :)
Finally saw sense on 8/12/13

So many mountains, so little time...
 
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tea

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Re: It doesn't help
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2016, 11:21:52 am »
I do hope you have a better day today. x
12.9.2014  (I forget sometimes)
 
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LyndsayG

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Re: It doesn't help
« Reply #7 on: January 24, 2016, 12:46:11 pm »
Hello Eyore_mad

I think I know how you're feeling but don't beat yourself up for your relapse.

I'm only on my second day of my quit so it's early days for me and I can't really explain how I feel. Now I know I'm not smoking I feel different. I've lost my security blanket is the only way I can describe it. I didn't always need it but now it's gone I feel a bit lost without it.

I've been smoking for over 30 years and probably wanting to give up for most of them. I did try but I guess I mustn't have really wanted to as much as I thought. I'd go a couple of days and then end up going back to it. I didn't want to but it was easier to smoke in my mind even though I wished I could just be like everyone else I know and live without it. 

Now I know I must do this. I know it's going to take some getting used to and I know it's going to be a test for me but it's something I know I must do - for health reasons and everything else. I've been a fool for long enough and I want to prove to myself that I'm stronger than this smoking habit of mine because that's what smoking is - just a bad habit, nothing else. God only knows why it's been so important to me?

I'm doing it cold turkey. I'm reading Allen Carr (when I get the chance). I'm putting on a brave front but I know the next few weeks and probably longer are going to be hard to get used to. I know that the first time some little thing goes wrong my spontaneous reaction will be to want to smoke and I'll probably even look for excuses to do so. I think that's where we all fall down but I've promised myself that I'll not fall into the smoking traps anymore. I hate to say it but I do like smoking even though I think it's an awful habit that I try to hide from most people. I just want to be done with it now!

So, don't beat yourself up. I can see how important quitting is to you so I hope you will try again. I think the secret might be not to take it too seriously - something I'm desperately trying not to do if only I knew how.

What I do know is that it's up to me though. I know it will get easier and that I will get used to it if I just keep going and I'm sure you will too if you really want to.



 
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Debbie

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Re: It doesn't help
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2016, 02:47:33 pm »
Sorry I missed this saw a couple of day 1 & 2  and thought they were Lyndsays.
Now listen young lady i have nothing but praise for you. Who cares if you stop and start. The fact is you arent giving up which would be the easiest option. Keep reading, suck up as much knowledge as you can to help you fight this.
I have failed loads of times but like a boomerang I keep coming back lol. So can you. Im a hopeless case when it comes to quitting but the penny has finally dropped. Dont give up trying honey x
 
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TG

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Re: It doesn't help
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2016, 04:42:12 pm »
Sorry to see you had a slip, @Eeyore_mad but if you are going for it again it is not a failure. We learn everytime we fall and you will learn more and more as you go along, just DON'T give up on the whole thing, because that is when you really lose. I read and read and read some more! I use to have posts and videos saved somewhere close to me, like in your pm or something like that, somewhere where you can go back easy and read, or watch when you need to.

The three post rule, works, I used it myself. Keep going Eeyore.
Quit Date: 04-04-2014

You don’t need cigarettes to be complete. All the happiness, comfort and peace you seek, is already inside you.